Anticipation, orientation, and Antonio Banderas

Well, after a nice six-day trip to New York, I now stand only four days away from boarding my plane for Spain. It is very hard to believe. Tomorrow, after what proved to be a long and anxiety-filled process, I will be picking up my visa from the Spanish Consulate. This marks the end of bureaucratic woes (for now) and the beginning of an experience I trust will be well worth whatever I had to put up with to make it happen.

Having just completed the online orientation offered by my program, I feel more anxious than ever to go. For weeks I have been asked by friends and family about Spain and studying there, but I must admit my anticipation felt muted. I took all the procedural steps toward applying and preparing to go, but I never really gave myself much of a chance to daydream and reflect upon it. Now that the fall semester and the holidays are over, I finally feel a sense of excitement building; however, I don’t think that the magnitude of my trip will set in until I’m on the plane. Maybe it won’t even hit me until I arrive.

What awaits in Spain has been the subject of much debate in my imagination. The three main sources upon which I base my hazy conception stand as follows:

1. the testimony of friends and UMass advisors (former trusted more than latter)
   
2. the online orientation provided by my program through API
   
3. Antonio Banderas

From these sources, I think I can reasonably expect a) to discover wine cheaper than water b) that I should fear pickpockets c) that Spanish women are frigid but that I shouldn’t worry about that because I have a girlfriend AND c) there will be many handsome men to destroy what little game I have, whether they be romantically masked heroes, cats that don ridiculously large boots, or perhaps individuals willing to costar in sub-par boxing films with Woody Harrelson a decade after it could be said that his career was on the decline. Yes, I just made a series of Antonio Banderas references culminating in a tip of the hat to Play It to the Bone. Too Bill Simmons? I agree.

One thing I’ve been assured of, particularly in my online orientation, is this curious phenomenon known as culture shock – essentially the difficulties associated with adjusting to immersion in a radically alien culture, language, and lifestyle.

The orientation showed all kinds of charts, graphs, and studies from sociological, cultural, and psychological experts demonstrating theories that explain how truly fucked I am as an American that has never been abroad and has a modest command of the language. I exaggerate of course, but I don’t expect a smooth and painless transition. The whole orientation is peppered with references to culture shock and adaptation, here’s a real gem:

“Avoid those Americans or other foreigners who are in a permanent state of culture shock and who spend their days seeking company to commiserate with. Finding new people to infect with their illness is the only way they have of proving that their negative analysis of the host country is correct. Consequently, they wait for each incoming boatload of Yankees to pounce on in order to convince them of the 'stupidity of the natives.' Avoid these people like the plague. The sickness they are attempting to spread is far worse than a simple case of culture shock."

Wow, API makes people with sustained culture shock sound like rabidly infectious zombies. Some forceful rhetoric indeed. I would hesitate to compare culture shock to a George Romero film or the Black Death plague that decimated nearly half the world population during the 1340’s, but I suppose I’ll heed the advice.

I have blabbed enough for now. Didn’t mean to bore you, and I appreciate that you are still reading (even after the ridiculous Antonia Banderas references). As a last tidbit from the wealth of information and links I found in the orientation, you can catch up with all the latest news out of southern Spain here. It’s an online news source conveniently in English, for all those that wish to catch up on current events where I am. Although few have time even to catch up on their own news, let alone the lousy press out of a Spanish region, I thought you might want to watch for drunken Americans making headlines. (joke!)

More to come once I am in Madrid. Stay tuned.